A few weeks ago, a friend of mine recommended me a show to watch. I was a little skeptical at first because it sounded like a romantic comedy, which is not my go-to. I prefer action, thriller, suspense, sci-fi, maybe even horror (I know) and she is the exact same way. So, the fact that she watched this show and then referred me to it to, made me raise an eyebrow.
"Love Life" is the show we spent about an hour discussing. The first season follows the life of the character Darby, who tries to navigate her way through the dating scene in her 20's and 30's. Although majority of her relationships were not long-lasting, the show highlights how each romantic relationship helped shape the person she was as a whole. We as viewers get to witness the mistakes Darby makes while dating and just the ups and downs that come with dating. After watching the show, it sparked a conversation for my friend. After binging the show, she started reflecting on her own love life and the past decisions she made while dating. She needed me to watch it so we could have a discussion about the series and compare notes.
I finished the first season in one day and after the 6th episode, I had to write. Not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but Darby meets this chef, who at first was everything she ever hoped for: career driven, funny, attractive (to her of course lol), tall, supportive, and sexually compatible. He checked everything off her list. As Darby's career started to grow, her husband's career took a fall, which caused him to spiral into a depressive stage. He was no longer happy, there was tension in the relationship, the support was barely there, and all he did was sit at home and complain. There were times when she tried to be supportive, for example, suggesting certain jobs for him to apply for, even encouraging him to go on interviews, but of course he did the opposite and complained the entire time. Don't get me wrong, I get it. I know what it's like when you feel like everyone around you career is flourishing, and you have no idea what your next move is.
I also know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who is experiencing this turmoil. It is draining for the opposite person. To see your partner depressed is one thing, but to see them completely give up is another. That episode took me back to my last relationship and oh the feels.
That entire episode was a flashback to the past. I remember what it was like trying to support someone who wasn't supporting themselves. I would talk to him, encourage him to go out, I would suggest jobs for him to apply to, anything to prove how supportive I was. It was draining and at times, my mental health paid the price. I was much younger back then and thought I was so in love, so I thought I was doing the right thing.
Eventually Darby had a sit down with her husband to express how she was feeling, and she even suggested they take a break, which sent him off the rocker (again, triggering). It was weird seeing my exact situation being played out right in front of me. It was also embarrassing because why did I ever put myself through that? For what? To prove what exactly?
That one episode had me ready to unpack, ready to reflect. Everyone wants a supportive partner. But when is enough, enough? When do you realize that you're putting out way more energy than is being reciprocated? When do you realize that you're doing for someone that isn't doing for themself? That you're wanting for someone who doesn't want for themselves. After finishing episode 6, it made me realize how many women try to live by that "ride or die" motto. We want to be our partner's rock, be there for them at their lowest. But who's to say that you'll be there by their side once they get to where they need to be? It's a risk and after my last relationship I promised myself that I would never, and I mean NEVER be that "ride or die" chick again. I don't have it in me, and I simply don't have the time.
At the end of the series, Darby finally finds "her person" and something the narrator said about this new connection made my friend and I think. She commented: "She didn't suddenly feel like a new person, at long last fixed by the perfect partner. Walking beside Grant, she didn't feel fireworks or hear some marching band announcing itself like, "Here it is. Here's love." Instead, it was quiet and calming and still."-episode 10: The Person. My friend expressed her confusion after reciting these lines: "What does that mean? You mean to tell me that I'm not supposed to feel the sparks or the fireworks with my person? Are you telling me that the passion I'm missing isn't needed?" Although these were valid questions, because again, I feel the same way, I did not have the same take away from it. To me, the words meant how lost in bliss we feel when we meet someone we deem isn't in our bracket. We feel those fireworks, those sparks, because it's like damn you choose me. You made me the one and now I feel like I'm on top of the world. When in reality, you should already feel that way about yourself: like you're the sh*t. We sometimes put our partners on pedestals as if we're undeserving of love, or admiration. It's as if this person is rescuing you. Of course, if you think this way, you will feel those sparks and fireworks, like you found your savior. I feel like when you're sure of yourself, when you know who you are, and what you possess inside, there will be no pedestal or unrealistic idea of what it's like to form a connection, to find your person. You'll just click, everything will just flow. I watched my friend as she dissected my interpretation. She agreed that she didn't look at it that way and that it inspired her to dive a little deeper in her journal.
The first season of Love Life was definitely a 10/10. I finished the second season, which followed the dating scene through a male gaze, but I was not as hooked as I was on the first season. Overall, I enjoyed the show because it had me reflecting on my own love life.
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