A few nights ago, I dreamt of talking to a friend about which high school I attended. It's Creative and Performing Arts High School. When I mentioned it to him, he got excited and commented on how I must be talented. I remember blushing in the dream but also feeling a bit uncomfortable. I confided in him that I tend to downplay things I did/do in my life. I wouldn’t label it imposter syndrome, because I do feel like I deserve the good that’s happened to me, but I ALWAYS feel like I could be doing better. That what I’m doing right now is not enough.
For example, I look at content creation as something that comes naturally, there’s no science behind it, no gimmicks. It’s just something I’m naturally good at. So sometimes I don’t see it as a big deal. It’s not until I’m explaining what I do to other people, seeing how excited they get, and how easy it is for them to praise me. They look at content creation as if I’m one of the first astronauts who landed on the moon, but, I feel like because there are so many content creators and influencers, it’s normal to me. But then a part of me does feel like this space is a space that hasn’t been tapped into before. It’s still new. It’s still exciting and it IS kind of like hearing about the first people who landed on the moon.
To cope with these feelings, I keep a gratitude jar. I found the idea on TikTok and thought it would be a great way to show gratitude and thankfulness. Every time something good happens to you, big or small, you take a piece of paper, date it, write what happened, and place it in the jar. At the end of the year, you read over all the notes. I started it in 2022, and I remember how happy I felt reading over everything that happened to me throughout the year. It helped me to appreciate where I am and what I’ve done. No matter how big or small it was.
What I do IS a big deal. Putting yourself out there, for the world to see, comment on, share, and speculate, IS a big deal. I have to tell myself this often because sometimes I forget. Everyone should look at what they did/what they're doing as a big deal.
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