Back in 2019, a few friends and I decided that we were going to read 20 books in 2020. I'm not sure how far I got, but I do know I was nowhere near 20 books. I did like the fact that the idea started between the three of us, and then people started tagging me in the books they were reading. At the end of last year, I decided I would start it back up again.

I use to leisure read all the time. I actually enjoy reading whether it's fiction, non-fiction, mystery, whatever. During the time we started the "book club," I read a few interesting books from memoirs to fictional and wanted to keep the momentum going. I'm not sure where I fell off, but that doesn't matter right now (lol). What matters is that I'm dedicating this year, 2023, to reading 20 books (and if I can do more, than that's even better).

I don't think I'll dedicate a post to every book I read this year, but this one particular book deserved a post. I just finished reading "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The book is categorized as a "wisdom book" and dives into the fear-based beliefs we have about love that leads to chaos in our relationships. He highlighted certain behaviors and ways of thinking that most of us are accustomed to, especially when it comes to relationships: familial, platonic and romantic. For example, Ruiz talked about how we as humans live in a constant state of fear, especially fear of being hurt. The fear creates friction in everything that we do. Due to this fear, we then feel all of the "negative" emotions that come with it: jealousy, anger, sadness. We then get into relationships operating off of these very emotions. Ruiz discusses characteristics about love and fear and calls them: the "track of love" and the "track of fear." One characteristic he mentioned that I really resonated with was how love has no expectations and that fear is full of expectations. There's resistance when we do things because we feel like we have to do them. On the contrary, love has no resistance. We do things because we want to do them. We have fun with it and take pride in doing so. A few other characteristics he mentioned are:

• Love is kind, fear is unkind.

• Loved is based on respect, fear does not respect anything.

• Love is ruthless; it does not feel sorry for anyone BUT it does have compassion. Fear is full of pity.

• Love is unconditional, fear is full of conditions.

At first, I agreed to every characteristic he mentioned until the one about love being unconditional and fear being full of conditions. We hear all the time to love unconditionally, but what does that really mean? He explained this by providing a few statements: "I love you if you let me control you, if you are good to me, if you fit into the image I make for you. All of those are conditions. In the track of love, there are no if's. You love that person for being them, because they are the way they are. We don't have a right to change anyone and no one has the right to change us. We tend to get with people thinking we can change them or wanting to change them or wanting them to become this version of them that we romanticized but it doesn't work that way. One thing I always say and that Ruiz mentioned in that same chapter is how in every relationship there are two halves of that relationship. He emphasized that you are responsible for your half and the other person, whether Mom, Dad, sister, friend or lover, is responsible for their half. It's not your responsibility to control the other half of the relationship.

My sisters and I talked about certain points in the book that stood out to us. We all agreed with the part when Ruiz used cats and dogs as an analogy of what we want vs what we want that other person to be. Prior to this paragraph he asked the reader if they knew the kind of man or woman that they wanted? That if you know who and what you want, why set yourself up for something other than that? Why do we pretend to make something fit when we know it doesn't? He told us to imagine getting a dog and you really love cats. You desire for your dog to act like a cat and you try to change the dog because of that. He then asks: "Why not just get a cat?" You have to know what you want when it comes to relationships; not only what you want, but also what you need, what your body needs, what your mind needs. This is something my sisters and I discuss all the time because we see it happening all the time: You get with someone knowing they're not what you want, and then try to change them into what you want them to be. Then you wonder why you're faced with so much adversity.

There are so many gems in this book that I could go on and on, but I rather you just read for yourself. Since this is a book of wisdom, you have to be ready to have your views challenged, your ideals questioned and that's what I love about wisdom books. I really recommend this to everyone, especially those who crave intimacy, partnerships, self-love, etc.

SPOILER ALERT!! At the end of the book there are two prayers: one for Awareness and one for Self-Love. I ended up reading both prayers aloud and felt a sense of calmness. Honestly, a 10/10, if you're ready to be open and honest with yourself.